Shades of Sanity
by i-really-heichou
Summary: In which humanity's strongest pair struggles to come to terms with the state of their mentality. Based off of events from Chapter 51 in the Shingeki no Kyojin manga.
1. Shades of Sanity

Sanity was just a human constructed illusion. The lies woven with truths fractured his mind and made him question his existence. In his pursuit to defend humanity, Lance Corporal Levi impaired it. He was a living corpse of contradictions, a blemish in the universe that had done nothing but destroy to the beat of a soldier's drum. His penance was his wounded mentality.

He could not hope to provide humanity with salvation when he abruptly stole it from those who suffered a much more tragic fate. Over the course of the last several days, he subjected his imagination to a variety of scenarios in order to fathom what it would be like to have a person's humanity be erased in place of a senseless monster.

Levi clenched his hands, nails biting into the curves of his palms. He knew. He was acquainted with the feeling because it was what he had evolved in to. The Titans were humans. Some could have very well been children. They were imprisoned in darkness and could feel every nerve snap as his blade severed through their flesh. Echoes of the Titans' cries resonated through Levi's mind and he wondered if they were a savage instinct or desperate, unintelligible pleas.

_Kill all of the Titans. _The phrase was branded in his bones, into his very being. Eliminating the Earth of those miscreations would wash away the stains of his criminal past. Levi pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, the nausea becoming evermore prevalent. He had taken pleasure in every kill and celebrated every victory. Irony was not the most gentle teacher, it struck with a hard blow coupled with a twisted sense of humor. How could he face the ghosts of his former comrades knowing that their deaths were in vain?

The remaining squad members allowed him enough space to properly come to terms with the news as he stood outside, hoping that the crisp air would cleanse him of wretched feeling that was slowly poisoning him. He had rested his military jacket in one of his trunks, wishing not gaze upon the insignia on the back. The Wings of Freedom would be locked away for the time being.

He did however fasten his Maneuver Gear and spent the better portion of his day around the castle's perimeter. In his isolation, Levi wished to gain answers but the whispers of the wind and the whirring of his gear did nothing but fuel his warring emotions. Levi landed on the ground with expert precision and wielded one of his blades. Driven by the anger coursing through his veins, Lance Corporal Levi drove the blade straight through the hard ground beneath him. The hilt shuddered underneath the force and the aftershock coursed up the length of his arm. Levi stood there a minute, frozen in his moment of weakness before prying himself away to gaze upon what he had done. The lone sword was his own personal crucifix to soothe the demons in his soul.

The air behind him stirred and he impulsively drew his second blade towards the source of the noise.

The steel was pointed at the base of her ivory throat. She could feel the coolness radiating off of the edge of the blade, gracing her skin with a soft kiss. Mikasa Ackerman's features did not betray her. There was fear threaded with the many layers of emotion, however she remained still and perpetuated an aura of assurance. Her own Maneuver Gear rested on the slopes of her hips, yet unlike her superior she donned her entire military uniform along with her beloved red scarf. Mikasa's fingers curled into a tight fist as she rested one hand across her heart and the other behind her back in a formal salute.

She didn't dare speak for she knew that her words would fall upon deaf ears. No other person could quite understand how it felt to lose direction in life than herself. Mikasa had embraced the dark shadows of death before and the arms were nothing but cold and empty. She was aware of the hollowness that shrouds a person with hope withers away. However, she woke up every morning and grasped her fears by the throat, because if Eren had taught her anything it was that she had to fight for the opportunity to live in the world they did. Fighting was a constant reminder that she was truly alive.

Slowly, she attached both blades to their respective hilts, releasing the wires that kept them anchored to her waist. Mikasa rested on blade over the other and offered Levi a sincere expression. Her stance was fluid and her arms were relaxed, a stark contrast against Levi's trembling fingers and broken facade. She struck first, sensing his hesitation and confusion as the sound of steel upon steel sang through the trees. Levi responded out of a natural instinct, meeting her advance with a protective move. He shuffled backwards, briefly stunned by her audacious actions all while repositioning his sword offensive position. Levi's gaze searched for a mark of fear in Mikasa's face yet he found nothing but a burning determination displayed in her dark eyes. He was at a disadvantage, both physically and emotionally. Nonetheless, Levi flicked his wrist and his blade once again greeted Mikasa's with a loud clink. She was one step ahead of them and they danced a deadly waltz, the chorus of their swords smashing against one another ringing in each of their ears. Every one of Mikasa's movements were graceful, every turn was poised and every swing was lethal. She could see the quick rise and fall of his chest and the sweat break out on his forehead. She swore she could hear every accelerated heartbeat and feel the vitality in every pulse. She was resurrecting him.

Mikasa drew her foot behind the weaker of his two legs and knocked him to the ground. She expelled the air in his lungs and Levi was left momentarily breathless on the ground. He had tensed in an effort to rebound, but Mikasa had planted one of her swords between his legs, dangerously close to a sensitive area. One of her boots was at the edge of his chin and drove the back of his skull painfully into the ground. The other half to her pair of blades landed above him and gently grazed the hairs on the crown of his head. Her eyes matched his and she gazed down on him with a fierceness that made him freeze. In their eyes, they exchanged their emotions. She took his pain and offered her compassion. She took his confliction and offered her love.

Mikasa pursed her lips and yanked the blade closest to his legs out of the ground. "Always remember how it feels to be alive."


	2. Shades of Revenge

Mikasa Ackerman was no longer indebted to her Corporal. In exchange for his act of sacrifice in the Forest of Giant Trees, she withdrew him from his dark abyss and breathed new life. They were both on the brink of breaking their impenetrable titles with recent injuries, however they were alive and could not afford to be anything other than that. Mikasa's blades lingered in front of her, crossed over one another as she retreated back towards the cabin. Her reflection was marred on the surface of the blades, however she caught sight of her expression, an ensuing battle of conflicting emotions flickering in her eyes. Any inaccuracy on her part could have killed Corporal Levi. She had sensed his hesitation through the tension in his swings and the reservation in his tight movements. However, Mikasa could not say that she had possessed the same sense of refined control during some points of their exchange and pictured her blade protruding through the other end of his limp body.

She had every right to wipe him off the face of the planet. It was an insult to her intelligence to think that she had not carefully observed their setting and the purposeful selection of Levi's new squad. At first, she was inclined to feel honored upon the news, yet that feeling was dampened by her dawning realization. Her superior had ensnared the remaining people Eren cared for and plotted to use them as pawns in order to break him. If Eren had nothing to live for, he would die for any cause. In essence, killing Levi would ensure her survival.

However, she was not the kind of person that would take advantage of his moment of weakness. The blue of his eyes was tainted with a dark fear and subtle appreciation. She could still feel the slightest brush of her body against his and the vulnerability that radiated from his pores. Levi had allowed her to glimpse at his defenseless condition and Mikasa felt something drawing at her heart. Above all, he trusted her decisions-_trusted her-_so much so that he would abandon his instinct to live in order to follow her lead.

Mikasa tucked her blades on either side of her as she grew closer towards the cabin. She walked with great care; she was not ignorant to the fact that her ribs still burned with a sharp pain. The clouds had gathered above her head and the air carried the distinct smell of an oncoming rain storm. Mikasa quickened her step, sparing a thought for her Corporal who was a still a great distance away from the cabin.

Levi exhaled and felt his muscles unwind from a binding tension that plagued him. Mikasa Ackerman had retreated back to the cabin some time ago, yet he took the time to remain silent as his heartbeat regained a normal pace.

_Always remember how it feels to be alive. _She had commanded the words with such conviction that it threatened to crack his foundation. Her mouth had been drawn into a tense line and something about her tenacious virtue astounded him.

The first drop hit the bridge of Levi's nose and several more splattered across his face. He sat up, weary and downtrodden to greet the rain that fell around him. The sky shuddered as a flash of lightning danced across the clouds oddly enough, he saw the turbulent weather around him as a mirror image of the storm that took hold of his heart.

Levi's ankle throbbed from Mikasa's swift kick and he became well aware of his debilitating injury. Mikasa managed to move around with her impaired ribs however, Levi was no longer as young as he used to be and the spikes of pain traveling up his leg reminded him of that. His skin crawled with a series of chills as the rain increased from a light stream to blinding sheets.

He searched for warmth and found nothing but the cool breath of the rain. The glow from within the cabin stood like a beacon and Levi was never more tired than he was then.

Mikasa hovered over the railing to the porch, listening to the tapping of the rain on the roof. She had managed to convince herself that she was merely observing the ominous fog and shaded trees rather expecting Levi's return.

_Perhaps_, she thought, drawing her scarf over her nose, _perhaps I took it a little too far_. But did he not believe that discipline and pain were two sides of the same coin? Mikasa did not take Levi to be a hypocrite.

Her eyes scanned the sprawling expanse in front of her, vision slightly inhibited by the blinding rain. He emerged through the rain, clothes soaked and shivering in his skin. Mikasa expected one of two things to occur: That he wouldn't notice her standing there and would make way to the nearest bath, or she would receive a verbal lashing for her previous behavior. And yet, he walked up to the porch with careful steps, the sound of his soaked boots squeaking against the hardwood. She tensed as he stopped right next to her and focused on the fields and trees before them. Mikasa waited for the wit or sharp words to surface, but Levi was deathly silent and had positioned himself so that he was observing the setting just as she was.

From the corner of her eye, Mikasa saw a bruise blooming beneath his chin where her boot had rested hours ago and was moved by a deep sense of responsibility woven with the smallest traces of regret. Her fingers breached the space between them and drew along his jawline, tilting his head ever so slightly to examine the injury.

He did not respond the way she expected him to with a string of curses and a lecture about obedience, rather, Levi lifted his hand and placed it gently over hers so that her fingers splayed across his cheek. He grasped her hand in his, folding his fingers over in a tight, yet resolute grip. The last time Levi had done such a thing was to comfort a dying soldier and a fellow friend. Nevertheless, their hold on each other was not a goodbye at the hands of death, but a promise to watch over one another.

"You'll have to kill me first before you get to them," she said, voice barely above a whisper. Something twisted in Levi's chest as he adjusted his hand so that his fingers fit neatly in the spaces between hers.


End file.
